


It's the 21st Century, Old Man

by shipskicksandgiggles



Series: Jaime's Parkner week 20biteen [10]
Category: Iron Man (Movies), Marvel Cinematic Universe, Spider-Man (Tom Holland Movies)
Genre: 5+1 Things, M/M, May is fine I promise that just worked with the fic better, Tony and Pepper are Peter's parents, Tony is a little shit, Vines, so are Harley and Peter
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-08-11
Updated: 2019-08-11
Packaged: 2020-08-19 10:46:47
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,101
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20208472
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/shipskicksandgiggles/pseuds/shipskicksandgiggles
Summary: “I can’t believe you just quoted a vine at my dad”a 5 +1 told in vines





	It's the 21st Century, Old Man

**Author's Note:**

> oh wow its the last day already? its been good yall. thanks for a great week
> 
> prompt: Tony Stark // musical instruments // "Lipstick in my Valentino white bag"

**1:**

The first time, it was an accident. Sure, Harley had slept in Peter’s room after one night of *ahem* _ making out _. They hadn’t however, expected Tony to walk in. 

“Hey Pete? Wake up sleepyhead, I need your help with science stuff, let's go.”

“Yo what the fuck, man,” said Harley as he awoke, rubbing his eyes and he sat up and looked at the man. 

Tony froze and backed out of the room, shouting “I did not need to see that!” after him. 

“I can’t believe you just quoted a vine at my dad,” Peter mumbled, still not awake. 

Harley shushed him and went back to sleep

When they realized what had happened later that day, it became a thing. 

**2:**

Shuri and Ned found out about the incident and decided to make it a challenge. 

Thus plan _ Tony Stark’s Introduction to Vines _ was born. 

They were to wait until the man was in a room, and based in wherever they were, the couple had to reenact a vine. Sometimes it would not be easy, but they were prepared with 17 and 18 years of knowledge apiece. It would be fine. 

The second time it happened, Tony was in the kitchen. Harley was also in the kitchen working on his homework at the breakfast bar. Peter walked and saw his chance. 

He gasped as he stared at Harley. “Chris!” he shouted. “Is that a weed?”

“No this is a crayon-“

“I’m calling the police!” Peter made a beeline for the microwave, ignoring a dumbfounded Tony. 

“That’s a microwave you can’t-“

Peter covered his mouth with his hand to create the desired effect for “911 what’s your emergency?” and Harley made the same face Chris had made in the vine. 

The look on Tony’s face had made it completely worth it. The plan was working perfectly. 

**3:**

“You were in band?” Harley asked. 

“Yeah?”

“What instrument did you play?” He was excited now. 

“Trombone, why?”

“Do you still have it?” Now he was practically vibrating with excitement. 

“Yeah wh- _ oh _. Oh yes. Okay hold on I gotta call May.”

~

An hour later, they were set. Peter sat with his old trombone in his lap, reviewing the slide positions because this needed to be perfect. A pair of sunglasses was perched on his head, and an identical set was in Harley’s hand. JARVIS was recording the whole thing for them. It was only a matter of time until-

Tony walked in. Glasses were snapped on. Peter brought the instrument to his mouth. Harley sucked in a breath and opened the oven door. 

All hell broke loose. It was nothing short of beautiful. The original creators would have been proud. Harley’s head banging was perfectly in sync, and Peter had never played with such a purpose. 

Tony looked like he was going to have a stroke. 

**4:**

It had been Peter’s idea to get Pepper involved. She walked in carrying a white bag and he thought he had been hit with a bolt of lighting. 

“Hey mom,” he said, glancing over at Harley on the other side of the room. “Do you wanna mess with dad?”

“Always dearest,” she answered, ruffling his hair as she past. 

Peter grinned and broke down their plan. When he showed her the vine in question, she immediately agreed. 

~

A week later, they had their opportunity. Harley was sitting with Peter at the breakfast bar, almost the same way as before. Pepper was standing, leaning on the opposite side of the counter from them, purse out in front of her. 

When Tony walked in to get a snack, he had no idea what was about to go down. After all, they never involved another person. 

Then Peter spoke up. “Mom?”

Pepper hummed. 

Harley continued, “We spilled lipstick on your Valentino bag.”

“Lipstick?” She spluttered a bit. “Lipstick? In my Valentino white bag?”

The resulting bang of Tony’s head hitting the refrigerator door was enough to make them all break character and start laughing. 

**5:**

Naturally, the next vine plan was foiled by the Avengers alarm going off in the middle of the night. Peter tapped the spider to his chest as Harley donned his Iron Lad armour. 

On the way down to the briefing room, Peter shot a web out into the kitchen, and snagged a couple pans. 

Harley shot him a questioning look, and then realization dawned on him. “Huh. Alright let’s go.”

They arrived shortly after Tony, and Peter had never been more thrilled to have an audience. He took one last look at Harley who motioned towards the door. 

Peter kicked it open. “I ain’t never get no sleep cuz of y’all,” he screamed, banging the pans together. “You ain’t never get no sleep cuz of me.”

“Kid,” Tony said, defeated. “What the _ fuck _?”

The Captain had one helluva time bringing the briefing to order after that, murder robots aside. 

+1:

Tony Stark was 49, not dead, thank you very fucking much. He knew what a vine was. His only thing was he liked to pretend that he knew nothing about modern culture to get the kids to talk to him.

And if he was barraged with vines? So be it. 

Pepper was an interesting card to play, if he was honest. That one was unexpected. So was the one in the briefing room. 

He couldn’t wait to play a card of his own. 

~

One night, after a particularly rough patrol for Peter, he caught the boys in the kitchen. They weren’t talking, weren’t kissing, nothing. 

They made a beautiful picture, Peter sitting on the stool, small and vulnerable, Harley standing above him, a calming presence for his sorrows. Their foreheads rested against each other in a peaceful moment. He wanted to take a picture, but he knew JARVIS already had. Tony almost felt bad for breaking up their moment. 

Almost. 

”What the fuck?”

The boys jumped apart, startled by the intrusion. 

“Is this allowed? I mean, what the fuck?” Tony grinned in spite of himself at the shock written over both of their faces. “Is this allowed?”

“You bastard!” Harley was seething. “You knew? This whole time, you knew?”

Peter looked a bit like he was questioning everything he had ever learned. 

As Harley rushed towards him in an attempt to get revenge, Peter keep sitting, occasionally murmuring variations of “what the shit?” in a dazed state. 

Oh yeah. Totally worth breaking the moment. 

He had JARVIS send a copy of all the vines the boys quoted to his personal email. They made good memories. It was worth every minute. Or 6 seconds. Whatever.

**Author's Note:**

> find me on tumblr at [parallelparkner](https://www.tumblr.com/blog/parallelparkner/)


End file.
